Just this one thing that keeps life from being perfect right now...

I just don't know what to fucking do, and I'm ready to explode!DX
What do you do when one of your best friends just disappears on you? She just stops talking to you, ignores you any time you text, call, or see her at events... she finally tells you what's going on, and it was just a misunderstanding of some sort. You correct the problem after 5 months of darkness, or so you think. A week or so passes, and things go back to how they were earlier in the year. Sudden drop of communication of all forms. You fool yourself, saying "oh, she's probably just busy or something" knowing full well that she's just forgetting you, not caring. She posts on facebook, and tumblr all the time, she's not busy you dumbass. A couple more months pass, and you see her a few times at friend's parties or whatever. She ignores you... What a shocker -.-
You text her every so often, send facebook messages, post to her wall... still ignores you. when you see her again in person, she says "oh, sorry about not getting back to you, I've been busy" but that's obviously bullshit. Every post from the last month or 2 has been stuff she's been doing with other people. You slowly see her forget about you through all those posts, letting other people take your place. The thought slowly starts to creep in to your mind that you were never really that important in the first place- she was just humoring you, or using you to entertain herself because you were all that was around. 
You decide to give her a final goodbye, a quick private message online, telling her how much she means to you despite how hurt you are. Out of 7 or 8 people out of the thousands you've met, she's one of them- those people you are truly yourself around, you keep no secrets from. You that tell her that no matter what, she's always going to be one of the few best friends you've ever had... that you love her in every way, and that you'll be right where she left you if she ever decides you're important again. 
Every day I am reminded of this torturous emotional pain. Every day, I live this personal hell. My life is going incredibly well for once, in every way outside of this. But like anyone with a problem, even the smallest imperfection can outweigh the happiness. I try to enjoy myself as much as I can, but it's hard. I miss talking... that's the least I want. Can we at least TALK again? Even just ONCE a week?!
No, I am not allowed such reprieve. The possibility of forgetting that person, and all the impacts she made on me... isn't actually a possibility. She resonates in my thoughts, my dreams, within our group of friends, and online. Every waking moment of every day, I see the phantom of what I thought once was. Maybe it really was just a very strong illusion. I may never know, but it doesn't really matter now.... does it?

Columbia College of Chicago

Well, I finally got my roommate and dorm building info!
All that's left is orientation and move-in, and I'll officially be a student again. It was awesome having a whole semester AND summer off, but now it's time to get back to the books and build my career. It's hard to believe how far I've come all these years... going from that kid everyone hated in grade school, to starting to live my dream and having few significant problems left in my life. I'm infinitely glad I made it this far, and my parents are excited for me, as one would expect. I mean, who expects to actually be able to make a career and a life off of video games? I sure didn't expect to. Can't say my life has been perfect, but it indeed has been worth it so far.

Well THAT took long enough!

Well... it finally happened... MLG is coming to regular tv! CBS is taking on a Starcraft 2 stream in the Fall. For a gamer like myself, this is a huge deal. For us... it means we're finally not such outcasts of society anymore. And yet, at the same time... I'll miss it a lot. I didn't mind being made fun of for being a gamer, or a nerd. While others would take it as a taunt, I take it as a compliment, no matter the intention of the person saying it. I took pride in being different and damn good at what I do. But now, it's wont be so unique anymore. It'll be something anyone, anywhere can watch whether they're into it or not. It'll be like other stuff on tv. A good chunk of the views and ratings will be from people who are just watching due to boredom and not actual interest. But I guess I will take pride in saying the same thing here, as I do about society. I am part of the last good part of society (in this case, gamers) left. Because, in the future, everyone will be working off of the benefits we worked for. They won't have worked for it themselves, and a lot of them won't even care. They'll all be dumb, and not as amazing as we were. They'll take it for granted, and assume we always had those privileges... like kids do today with cell phones, or internet. When a person says "I remember dial-up internet..." people of the same generation or general era would recall that it sucked, but we now look back on it with nostalgia for some reason... Kids who never had dial-up would say "what was that?" and when we explain it, they'd laugh at how we miss slow internet connections. Idk how to explain it really, but long story short, I'm both happy and sad.

Birthday!!!!!!

Soooooo my birthday is in a few days and I'm pumped! :D
Not only will I be getting some very useful and highly anticipated gifts, but most of my friends will be home from their respective schools, so hopefully, I can see everyone around then.
Also note that today is the birthday of Colleen's brother, Matthew. We'll be going over to celebrate in a couple hours (and at that time I will participate in many a warhammer match, woot).

Another thing I'm excited for is the Diablo 3 release. Which is quite well timed, being the day after my birthday. Stawicki and I plan on going to the midnight release, and then nonstop marathon-ing it for days afterward. It shall be epic.

The bullshit with my extended family continues to drag on... but that's a story for another post.
And I think that's it for now... oh yea, almost forgot- I'm not sure how.... but I LOST a page-view on here XD no idea how that works, but it happened ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Letters that will never be sent

At some point in their lives, everyone will write a message to someone that will never be sent. Recently, I've been writing more of those than usual. They all have reasons for being held in the safe confines of my computer's hard-drive. The point is though, that it's just a great way to cope with a problem you have with or against someone. It can help to just have ideas written down, and also you don't have to risk a bad reaction from the recipient. But at the same time, don't we wish, if only a little, that we could send one or more of those letters? Just so we can finally let it out to an actual person, and maybe if we're lucky, get the reaction we hope for... I myself will probably never let any of those letters be read by anyone but me and me alone. It's just a great coping mechanism, that I hope I won't need for much longer.
So yea, that's just me ranting 'cuz I felt like it, and I really had nothing else to do at 1AM...
Also, Happy Birthday to one of the few best friends I will ever have; Kelli. Turning 19... 3 weeks before me >.>
Hope it's a good one :)

Gaming History

So, as some people know very well, I am an avid gamer. I play a lot of games, and I'm good at any game I want to be good at. Recently, I made a video detailing my history in gaming and what it means to me. To watch, just click the link provided. To not watch, just sit there and think about your own life, and how it will never be as awesome as mine XP
JK, I'm not that mean... or am I? D:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCK9e3QsaIE&list=UU6V9ARbDPzGy9hULnCxfHuA&feature=plcp

People need to learn to take a hint...

Specifically, these 2 friends I have on Facebook. They feel the need to talk to me EVERY single time they see me online... they always start conversations which revolve around them. Then they complain that I never start conversations with them. Or they ask if I have anything I want to talk to them about... NO! I DON'T! If i had something I wanted to talk to you about, I would have messaged you first!
It's also worse that they get annoyed or concerned if I don't INSTANTLY reply to their message or start typing as soon as they send their messages (which btw, might as well be a freaking novel...). By the time I get to finish reading their message, they expect me to have started replying with my own long-ass answer.  That is, assuming I have any idea or interest in what they're talking about... It's just as bad if I happen to be talking to more than one person at a time. god-forbid I talk to anyone but them at the same time as they're talking to me. Oh no, that just won't do :/
Then, to top this all off, they feel the need to explain everything. Everything they said, what it means, why they said it, and why it's relevant. I can't go ONE DAY without hearing from them... it's gotten to the point where I don't want to go on Facebook at all, because they'll message me even if they see me go from online to invisible. And they'll keep messaging me until I reply...
they're messaging me RIGHT NOW... as I type this...  I just want one day of peace PLEASE! DX